No Smoking Day

I was waiting for a train yesterday morning, all alone on a platform which backed on to a farmer’s field. The sun was shining, a wren was singing in the hedge and a skylark was chirping overhead. I breathed in deeply, felt warmth on my face. It was a delight. Suddenly, I became aware of the smell of cigarettes, and turned round to find a young lad had joined me on the platform and promptly lit up! My moment had gone and I was suddenly forced to breath in the stink of this selfish sod’s cigarette. The fact that he kept spitting on the floor only added to his disgusting appearance by my side. “Do you have to do that?..” I asked, turning up my nose. He muttered a few words that seemed to rhyme with plucking, cob and plastered but, fortunately for me, decided to move off down the platform and leave me in peace again..

Man! I hate smoking! I hate the selfishness of smokers and the way they think it’s their God-given right to pollute and litter and ruin the atmosphere – in more ways than one – wherever they go. I mean, look at this welcoming sight, which was actually an ash-tray holding open the door of a pub I went in last month! I guess that’s to ensure that the smoke actually blew back into the pub so that we non-smokers didn’t feel left out!..

It’s National No-Smoking Day and I say bring it on! No Smoking! Anywhere! Well, ok, in your own homes. Yes, you can smoke in your own homes and kill yourselves without bothering the rest of us. That’ll do fine. Just go away …